A Scanner Dorkly: Feb 18, 2010 (1 comments)
A Scanner Dorkly: Feb 18, 2010
Thursday, February 18, 2010 - 12:00 AM
|Time for another mea culpa. As excited as I was for Spider-Man and the Secret Wars, last week's issue was a total bust. It went absolutely nowhere and wasted a full quarter of the time that could have been devoted to developing what should have been an awesome concept. Click on the thumbnails for a full-page excerpt.|
Who Doesn't Love Killer Robots?
Spider-Man and the Secret Wars
The hook for last week's Spider-Man and the Secret Wars centered on the Secret Wars moment in which Galactus prepares to ingest Battleworld. For some reason, I'm not familiar with the psychic attacks being displayed by Galactus, but evidently, Galactus has the power to effect hundreds of different realities and dimensions. Mr. Fantastic explains it all to Spidey:
Mister Fantastic: Galactus hits you on hundreds of different levels. Even separate planes of reality, using an array of uncanny attacks. He can hit you with illusions. Or maybe they're not illusions. You won't know. He might drop you into the past, or the future, or an alternate reality. He might just send killer robots to beat you down. He might control your mind, or teleport you a million miles away, or even a million light years away. Then again, he might just turn you to dust.
Spider-Man: I cannot believe you just gave a pep talk that makes me hope for killer robots.
Are You My Mother?
Tails of the Pet Avengers #1
Chris Eliopoulos and his gang scored a rare home-run with an anthology book. Tails is comprised of several short stories featuring each of the members of the Pet Avengers team -- each of which will be continued in the next issue. The book is full of great moments, from Frog Thor realizing that he has to abandon his fellow frogs to save them to Ms. Lion thwarting a cruise-ship poisoning (and a smart-alec seagull in the process). But this moment holds the most promise for Issue 2: Ka-Zar's trusty sabretooth tiger, Zabu, comes across a T-Rex that has been felled by Velociraptors. Worse yet, the T-Rex was a mommy... and her offspring are being sized up for desert by the vicious 'raptors.
Zabu: No! You have cost these little ones their mother, I will not allow you to take their lives! RRROOOOOOAAAAARRR! Run, beasts! And never return!
Farewell, little ones.
Baby T-Rex: Ma-raw!.
Zabu: Enough! I cannot raise you. You are dinosaurs, and I am a sabretooth tiger, and we -- we--.
Babies: Gamrrr? Dbrr?
Zabu: All right. Come on, You two. Let's go home. Ka-Zar will think I've gone nuts.
Remember that Warner Brothers cartoon where the big bulldog adopted the little kitten. And it would dig its claws into his back, torturing him until it was finally comfortable enough to slip into a purring, napping fuzzball? Yeah, I like that one, too...
DC Super Friends #24
I've been pulling this title for my seven-year-old since it launched, but it's time to admit it. I get as much enjoyment reading it as he does. He likes the stories. I like the Easter eggs the creative team hides in the panels for fandads like me. In Issue #24, a gathering of super-villains includes the Terrible Trio -- Shark, Vulture and Fox -- the latter of which uses Poison Ivy's vines to trip up the Flash.
Fox: Hmmm... These plants aren't bad. Just call me Gardener Fox!
For the uninitiated, Gardner Fox was the writer credited with reviving the Golden Age Justice Society as the Justice League of America.
"Luke... I am your father... HA! Psyche!"
Amazing Spider-Man #620
Meanwhile, the master of the (fishbowl-covered) head game, Mysterio, delivers an Oscar-worthy performance as he seems to choke on the Devil's Breath flooding the room courtesy of Mr. Negative.
Spider-Man: Give it up, Mysterio... The Devil's Breath only targets someone with my DNA.
Mysterio: Yes... S-Should have told you... KAFF... all this... time... I was ... really...
Spider-Man: WHAT TH--?! GNYEAH!
Spider-Man: ah ah ahhhh... sunuva biscuit!
Mysterio: I swear we [super-villains] should give out awards.
Moment We've Been Waiting For -- DC edition
Secret Six #18
In the DC universe, there are few badarses as badarse as Amanda "The Wall" Waller. The mysterious leader of the Suicide Squad wants Deathshot back for her team -- but he wants to stay with his pals in the Secret Six. So, after a little matter of dispatching a few dozen Black Lanterns, it comes down to a game of Red Rover, with the Wall delivering a simply beautiful opening line:
Waller: Well. You all look like crap. And the night's still young. I got mean I haven't even used yet. Time to choose, Six.
Scandal Savage: Your team is more cunning and more experienced. And probably a hell of a lot smarter. But we won't be your dogs. Never. That's the difference.
Waller: Hmm. My best intel says you're not making those calls anymore. Bane is.
Savage: Yes. I do let him think that.
Waller: You forgetting something? Lawton and the big guy [Bane] still have explosive chips in their heads.
Savage: Yes. Bane?
Bane (to Waller): Between your control and death, we choose death.
Catman: We all do.
Ragdoll: Seems a bit hasty, really.
Catman: &^%$ you and your Squad, Waller. You're not welcome here.
Waller: Hmph. You all ain't worth the headache. You coming, Lawton? where you belong?
Deadshot: About that...
I am where I belong, Waller.
And with that, he shoots her -- point-blank -- and act that makes him the envy of every villain and a darned-good number of heroes in the DCU.
Moment We've Been Waiting For -- Marvel edition
Dark X-Men #4
Finally, as Nate "X-Man" Grey and Norman Osborn battle over control of Osborn in a sub-psyche-level arm-wrestling match, the Dark X-Men invade Norman's mind to free him from Grey's attack. Unfortunately, they end up freeing a familiar pointy-hooded, green-skinned Silver-Ager, who cackles from the darkness:
Green Goblin: Osborn's mind? You really have dialed the wrong number. I'm glad it's a mistake, though. And not a rescue attempt. I mean, I'd hate to have to be indebted -- to those I'm about to kill!
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Re: A Scanner Dorkly: Feb 18, 2010 (Score: 1)
posted Thursday, February 18, 2010 - 08:51 AM (#55032
What the hell is Waller wearing? Does VIMA have a Fashion Police subdivision?
Assuming she's not dead (and I never assume anyone is dead in comics anymore), she should stick to the business wear. Way more intimidating than... that.
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