What's wrong with this picture? Batman is doing an awful lot of smiling (OK... smirking... but still...) and Spider-Man has the pallor of a funeral director (except when he's hitting on Spider-Woman... which fell suitably dead). Last week was the polar opposite of my expectations. Gotham City Sirens was good and so was Blackest Night JSA. And the much-hyped FF was more of a bridge than a climactic confrontation with Golden Age fave Mole Man. Nonetheless, there were some memorable moments...Click on the thumbnails for a full-page excerpt.

The Badder Bidder

Gotham City Sirens #8

Ever wonder where Harley Quinn gets all of those wonderful toys?

Delivery man: Mrs. Quinzel?
Harley: Miss, actually. Who wants to know?
Delivery man: This is for you.
Selina "Catwoman" Kyle: Who was that?
Harley: Fed-Lex.
Kyle: WHAT?! For God's sake, Harley, you can't just give out this address. It defeats the whole purpose of having a hideout.
Harley: Sorry, but I had to order something very important.
Kyle: What? "Hello Kitty" pajamas?
Harley: No, smartypants. I'll have you know it's job-related. These things are hard to come by. Even on eBuy.

eBuy. Via Fed-Lex. Shoulda known.

Dr. Haynus would be proud

Fantastic Four #575

Mole man storms the surface world to enlist the aid of Marvel's First Family to stop the High Evolutionary from bringing his bizarre city to the surface. Of course, he sends an advance party to announce his presence -- one of whom loses his head in a traffic accident. The rest of the party carts the still-sentient noggin to the Baxter Building, where it helps with the all-important expository dialogue.

In the background, the Richards kids -- showing their sci-fi street cred -- know that there's nothing better than a brain in a jar (even is it's still in it's skull).

Franklin: It's OK, Mr. Head. If you need to, you can stay here with us.

"I can deduce by looking into your eyes that you have the legs of a dancer."

Justice League of America #41

Donna Troy, convinced by Wonder Woman that she's the key to rebuilding the League, proceeds to recruit a few familiar Titans faces -- Starfire, Vic "Cyborg" Stone and Dick "Batman" Grayson.

Donna: ...Not bad, "Batman." I see you and the kid are solid.
Robin: KID? How dare you, harlot.
Batman: Kid, yes. Drama queen, double yes. There, I said it. Now go off and sulk for a minute, eh?
Robin: Tt.
Donna: Handful?
Batman: Yes. No. He's not me at that age, that's for sure. But I get the feeling you're here for more than to check on how me and Al Ghul's grandkid are doing. How're you doing? Sure you came in with a smile, but I've known you long enough to see when--
Donna: I'm fine, "Batman." And honestly I'm sick of talking... or even thinking about it. So... what's all this, Killer Moth, right?
Batman: Different insect. But close. Yellow Wasp. Old Wildcat foe... I think. making a move on Gotham. And now he can move right back out again. Bumping into him was kind of a happy accident, honestly. It was his hideout that interested me. Following a trail... the Broker... guy who finds all these nutty locations for villains... I'm hearing about another hideout for a new group. Something big.
Donna: In Gotham.
Batman: Maybe. Maybe not. Anyway, you're here for a reason, Donna, and I think I know. Judging from your appearance and the tone of your voice, I deduce... you want me in the Justice League.
Donna: That is amazing! You got that all from my appearance?
Batman: Yes... Oh, and Vic called ahead and told me.

Wait. Batman was following a trail to another hideout -- possibly in Gotham? That trail wouldn't have been left by a Fed-Lex delivery man, would it?

Speaking of romantic tension...

New Avengers #61

During a stake-out of Avengers Tower, Spider-Man and Spider-Woman share a friendly neighborhood chat. As Spidey lays on the smooth, he catches Spider-Woman looking at her watch. (Happens to the best of us ultra-smooth guys.)

Spider-Man: What is that?
Spider-Woman: Don't worry about it.
Spider-Man: Oh, come on. Is it the newest MP3 player all the kids are --?
Spider-Woman: It's an alien detector.
Spider-Man: Seriously?
Spider-Woman: Let's me know everyone is who they say they are.
Spider-Man: That's cool. I want one..
Spider-Woman: I want web shooters.
Spider-Man: Where's you get that?
Spider-Woman: I'm an agent of S.W.O.R.D.
Spider-Man: Cool. What?
Spider-Woman: When I'm not Avengering I help a top-secret government agency hunt aliens that aren't supposed to be here.
Spider-Man: Oh, because of the whole "you were abducted by aliens and replaced by a Skrull who looked just like you and infiltrated our team and tried to use us against each other to take over the world?"
Spider-Woman: Yeah.
Spider-Man: Did you just check that to see if I was a Skrull?
Spider-Woman: Yep.
Spider-Man: Why?
Spider-Woman: Because you're either an alien or the oddest man I've ever met.
...

Spider-Man: Are we on a date?

Suckered me in, too

Blackest Night JSA #2

This was the sleeper hit of the week. After months and months of Black Lanterns storming our heroes and steamrollering them into submission, three BLs with JSA ties -- Grant "Damage" Emerson, Johnny Quick and Lois Lane of Earth-2 -- come up and immediately start whimpering for help. Lois begs Power Girl for death, Johnny Quick goes for a joyful run with his daughter, Liberty Belle, who changes into her Jesse Quick/Hooters girl costume. And Damage entreats the gang to stand back so he can stave off the other circling Black Lanterns who are storming the JSA mansion.

Magog: Keep fighting! I'll handle this one!
Atom Smasher: No, you won't.
Magog: Nff. Have you totally lost it?
Atom Smasher: Listen to me, Magog: He's different. He's on our side!
BL Damage: Do it, my friends! Trust me on this one last time and clear out!
Citizen Steel: Atom Smasher better be right about this...
Magog: All I know is that this undead thing just convinced you to leave the building and everyone protected inside unprotected. Must've been a helluva speech he gave you.
Judomaster: No, Magog... it was the look in his eyes.

And, you know what? As implausible as it sounds... I was as suckered in as the JSA.

Kudos to James Robinson.

Of course, it's a ploy. And at the end, the JSA mansion is compromised and the Black Lantern Superman of Earth-2 is re-re-animated.

Stop... he's... getting away...

Amazing Spider-Man #619

The standalone highlight moment from last week, however, was in ASM #619, as Mysterio's trickery has Spider-Man convinced that he's just murdered a thug in the ubiquitous abandoned warehouse. Police Captain Yuri Watanabe, staking out the same warehouse, sees the whole thing.

NYPD officer: Captain, what about him (Spidey)?
Watanabe: What? Spider-man? He's too fast. You'd never be able to catch him, and besides... he's already off chasing after those mob guys.

(New York's finest stand, dumbfounded, as the costumed hero remains motionless over the body.)

Watanabe : I said, he's too fast. You'd never be able to catch him, and besides... he's already off chasing after those mob guys.
Spider-Man: Um. yeah, right.
Uniformed officer: Captain! You can't be serious here! A blue wall of silence is one thing -- a red-and-blue wall of silence is something else!

No explosions or magic or daring-do. Just a subtle -- yet witty -- quiet moment to underscore how seriously Spider-Man takes even the life of a criminal who had been -- only moments ago -- trying to kill him.

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A Scanner Dorkly: Feb. 4, 2010

in Comics by Guigar